You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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