He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
