My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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