Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
