I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
not ubering you a puppy
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
