Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
God I need to hump something, right now.
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