I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
