so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
