we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Congratulations! We have a period
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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