My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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