I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You took a bar mat shot.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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