I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
