He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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