I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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