Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
one two three fourrrrnication!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
