I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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