I have demons in me.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
