maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
