Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
