Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize