return my video game
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
