Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
