Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
