I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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