ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
