I just pynch a tree in the face
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize