Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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