Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
