Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
