So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My breasts were aching with rage.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
