Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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