mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
