Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
