all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
