Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
