Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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