bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
