i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Randomize
