I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
