Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize