he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
