wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
