I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I hate your face
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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