i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
