And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
