Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
