I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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