I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
They took my balls.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
