genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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