I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she smelled like a LAN party
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
