Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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