you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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