So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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