I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
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