She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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