You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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