when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
