I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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