idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
