Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
