What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
