Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
