Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
