her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize